The SVU Sentinel
by Skylark62
Summary: In an AU world where sentinels and their guides are known about and accepted, Rafael Barba is surprised when he comes online as a sentinel. But Nick Amaro is even more shocked to find out he is Barba's guide, and is not at all comfortable agreeing to bonding with the ADA.
The SYV Sentinel

It took a while for the paramedics and police to clear the courtroom of the injured and the bodies of the dead. The chaos had started when the child molester had been found guilty and the guards had tried to lead him out and back to Rikers. Unfortunately he was determined not to go back to jail and had struggled. Being 6 feet 5 and a fit man, he easily overpowered the smaller of the guards and managed to get his weapon. After that he started firing at anyone who moved, from the other guards to the judge and lawyers. Altogether he managed to kill 3 and injured 5 more people before he was finally taken down and killed.

The teenager he had sexually assaulted was on her way to the hospital with a gunshot to her arm. Olivia had gone with her as support and to try and calm her down. The other detectives were taking the statements from witnesses in a nearby meeting room when Carisi agreed to go back to get his witness's bag which she had dropped in the courtroom in her haste to escape the gunfire.

He walked back into the now deserted courtroom. There was blood everywhere and papers from the case were scattered over the floor, along with discarded bloody swabs and evidence markers left by CSU. Carisi looked round and found the bag he had gone in there to get, and then hesitated before walking out. He thought he heard a soft whimper from the corner of the room.

He went to investigate, and found Barba huddled behind the witness desk, his hands over his ears, eyes scrunched shut and rocking slowly backwards and forwards. Carisi called his name gently, but got no response. So he placed his hand on the ADA's shoulder, and was shocked when the other man flinched, and then scuttled backwards away from him. Carisi had never seen him look anything but fully in control, so seeing him react like this was way out of character. He did recognize when someone was in pain though, although he couldn't see any wounds. He also realized that Barba was muttering under his breath. Carisi strained to hear what he was saying, but realized that the words were in Spanish, which Carisi was not fluent in. Those words were probably the key to figuring out what was wrong with Barba and helping him, so he needed someone else who could understand what he was saying. Carisi slowly stood up and backed away from the upset man and left the courtroom.

It took a few minutes for Carisi to find Nick and explain the problem, and Carisi was worried that something would happen in the meantime, but the courtroom was still deserted when the two detectives made it back to where Barba was still crouched. Nick didn't try and get the ADA's attention, but sat down close to him and leaned forward so he could hear what Barba was saying. After a couple of minutes of listening he could hear the words. "So loud… too much blood… pain… too bright."

Nick knew enough about sentinels to suspect from what Carisi had told him and what he was hearing from Barba that he might be one, and have just come online. Although sentinels weren't common, they were known about and accepted, and Nick had been given first aid training which included signs to look out for that indicated a sentinel had just come online. He also had a cousin who was a sentinel and had had enough conversations to know that the spike of all the senses coming online at once was very upsetting and painful. He quickly got up and led Carisi away, then explained what was happening to Barba. He asked Carisi to make sure they weren't disturbed, and then when the other detective left, he settled back next to Barba.

Nick started by very quietly talking to Barba in Spanish. He explained that he knew what was happening, and that he could help. He asked Barba to trust him, and do as he said. He saw a faint nod from the counsellor. He told Barba to listen to his heartbeat and breathing, and try to get his own in sync with Nick's. Nick then stayed silent and concentrated on keeping his own breathing slow and steady. He had meditated in the past and knew how to slow down his heartbeat, so did this now, and checked every 10 minutes or so to see if he could hear Barba settling down. After a few checks he did. The ADA had gone from heavy breathing to slow and deep breaths, and appeared less panicked. Nick decided to move on.

He told Barba to imagine the stereo in his car with 5 dials on it, and to label each dial with one of his senses – hearing, sight, touch, taste and smell. After a while, Nick saw the ADA nod again. He then told Barba to concentrate on the hearing dial, and imagine turning it down gradually, and as he did so, his hearing becoming less sensitive. He told the man to stop when he felt his hearing was normal, which would be when the dial was halfway between maximum and minimum. It took Barba a long time to do this, but Nick stayed patiently sitting next to him, and eventually Barba moved his hands away from his ears. Nick smiled. It was working.

Next he told Barba to work on the sight dial, and was gratified to see the Counsellor open his eyes and look up when he had successfully done this. They gradually worked on the other senses, and some time later Barba seemed more under control and much more calm.

Nick looked at his watch and realized the two men had been sat in the corner of the courtroom for close to two hours. He stood up and felt the stiffness in his joints. He reached down and extended a hand to Barba, who looked at him for a second before taking his hand and letting the detective pull him to his feet. Nick led him to one of the seats at the back of the courtroom, well away from the blood and mess, and then sat next to him. "How are you feeling now?" he asked.

Barba took a shaky breath. "Much better than before, thanks." He glanced at the detective who had been so patient with him, and thank goodness, had known exactly what to do. "How did you know what was happening to me?"

Nick smiled. "I've got a cousin, Eduardo, who is a sentinel. I wanted to know more about it so did some research. When I heard what you were saying and saw how you were reacting, I thought you were a sentinel who had just come online. Traumatic events can do that, and being shot at in a courtroom, with all the loud noises, the flash of the gun and smell of blood probably all contributed to this happening now. Did you suspect you might be one?"

Barba shook his head. "No. Like you, I've done some reading, not because I know any, but because I've come across them in my job, and need to know the law as it applies to sentinels. With their heightened senses, there can be privacy issues, and some obviously use their skills for criminal endeavors. I suppose I should have realized what was happening to me, but I was in so much pain and panic that I couldn't think clearly. I don't know much about sentinels when they first come online though. What should I do now?"

Nick shrugged his shoulders. "I'm not sure to be honest. I'll ring my cousin and find out though. But do you want to get out of here first?"

Barba nodded, realizing how dirty he was from the floor and also covered in sweat from his panic earlier. Nick led him out of the courtroom and down a side exit to his car. He nodded at Carisi who saw them leave and smiled. Carisi looked relieved. He had been worried when they had been in the courtroom for so long. Nick drove Barba home, then sat in the lounge and rang his cousin while the ADA showered. Eduardo told him that he should contact the local sentinel and guide emergency number, and the bonded pair that were on duty that evening would help them. He gave Nick the number, who called and explained what had happened. He was told that it was best that they stayed where they were, and that the sentinel and guide would come round and speak to him and Barba. Nick gave them the address, and was pleased to discover that the bonded pair who were on their way were in law enforcement, although FBI rather than NYPD. Nick then rang Liv to explain to her what had happened, very conscious he had left the crime scene and abandoned his job. As he suspected, Liv had no problem with this when she heard his explanation, and told him to stay and help Barba as long as he was needed.

Barba came back into the lounge, this time dressed in casual jogging pants and a sweatshirt. Nick was startled, having rarely seen the ADA in anything but his formal work suits, and definitely nothing as casual as this. His expression obviously gave away what he was thinking as he looked up to see a sheepish expression on Barba's face. "I wanted to wear something comfortable. My skin doesn't feel quite right – too sensitive still. I'm worried. I know I haven't got full control of my senses. I don't want to lose it again. It was terrifying, not being able to manage them or get out of that situation."

Nick might not know how that felt, but he had seen the fear on Barba's face earlier and could imagine how terrifying it had been for the always-in control ADA to be like that. "Don't worry. It won't happen again, and even if it does, I got you out of it once and I can do it again. I'm not going anywhere until you feel safe and know more about this." He saw the relief and gratitude on Barba's face. "One thing that will help with that is advice and support from other people who know what you are going through. My cousin gave me the number of the sentinel help line, and a sentinel and guide are on their way to see us now.

Barba was relieved. He and Nick hadn't always got on the best, but they were on the same side and it was good to know that he had his support and help through this. He got them both drinks, and just then his doorbell rang. It was the agents they were expecting – Martin Fitzgerald, who was a sentinel, and his guide, Danny Taylor. Barba introduced himself and Nick, and got them drinks too and they all settled down in the lounge.

The FBI agents asked Barba what had happened from his point of view, and Barba explained. He had been fine one minute, but soon after the shooting had started, he had become very conscious of the sounds of the shots and the screams, and also the smell of blood. It was as if he was trapped inside himself, and everything had become more intense. The smells and sounds overcame him until all he could do was hide, and then the other senses had also spiked. He had been stuck like that until Nick had managed to get through to him, and then he had tried to do as the detective told him, until it gradually worked, and he started to come back to himself and could get his senses under control again.

They also asked Nick what he had done, and he told them. They also wanted to know about their relationship to each other. Nick and Barba glanced at each other when this was asked. They explained they worked together. Nick hastened to add that he was happy to help Barba if he needed support ongoing.

Martin Fitzgerald gave the two men a pack on sentinels and guides, which he said would explain the basics. He spoke to Barba and explained that as a new sentinel he would need help to control his senses, as it would take time to learn how to keep control of them. To do this most effectively, he would need a guide to help him. Obviously this had been Nick up to now, and could continue to be him, but the bond between a sentinel and guide was a very personal and intimate one, and not one that could easily be broken. If Nick continued to be his guide, their relationship would change, drastically. The sentinels that did best had a guide who was bonded for life with them, in every way. Usually they were lovers as well as spending most of their time together. If Barba relied on Nick as his guide from the start, it would be difficult for him to manage without him or find another guide. He could see that both men were looking uncomfortable with this.

Danny Taylor spoke next. He explained that most sentinels that came online unexpectedly were referred to the emergency service while still overwhelmed by their senses, and usually they were needed to help get the sentinel get control. The fact that Nick had managed to not only get through to Barba, but had also successfully helped him gain control was proof that Nick was not only a compatible guide, but could have a very strong and effective bond with Barba. But if this was not something he wanted to do, he should walk away before Barba became too reliant on him.

Nick looked at Barba for a long time before speaking. He was torn. On the one hand, he wanted to protect the other man and be there for him to help him, as he had said he would. But on the other hand, if this meant he would not be able to walk away, but would be stuck with Barba long-term, then it probably wasn't what was the best thing to do. "Can I have a think about it, and maybe find out more about it?" he asked.

Danny Taylor smiled at him. "Sure. I know it's a big decision. I can tell you more about it now if you like, and answer any questions you have. Martin can talk to Rafael and explain more about being a sentinel. You are also lucky as there is a Sentinel Center here in New York that you can visit tomorrow."

Nick nodded. He and Danny moved to sit at the dining room table while Martin moved to sit next to Rafael on the sofa. They spent the next few hours talking before Danny and Martin left the new sentinel and his temporary guide. Both men stood feeling a bit lost when the agents left. Nick had agreed to stay over in case Barba had any problems with his senses overnight. He would be going to the Sentinel Center the next day to learn more about how to control his senses, but until then, he wanted the security of knowing that Nick was still around. So Barba showed Nick his guest room, and found some casual clothes he could wear plus a spare toothbrush and towels, then said goodnight. It had been a long day and he was exhausted.

Nick got ready for bed but struggled to get to sleep. His mind was whirring with all he had learnt and the decision he had to make. He eventually got to sleep but found that he had strange dreams and woke up feeling unsettled. One thing that he had decided overnight was that he needed to know more before making a decision of such importance. He texted Liv and explained he needed to take a personal day and that he would explain everything to her later. He got up to find Barba in the kitchen, drinking coffee. He immediately poured one for Nick, who settled by him at the breakfast bar.

"Are you working today?" Barba asked Nick. He didn't want to pressure him, but wanted to try and get some feel as to what he was thinking about the situation they found themselves in.

"No," Nick answered. At Barba's querying look, he expanded on that answer. "Look, I really don't know what to think about this, but I want to know more, speak to some people before I make any decisions. I want to talk to my cousin, his guide, do a bit of research. This has come as a shock to me, and I want to carefully weigh up the options."

Barba smiled. "That sounds like a sensible idea. I'm surprised though. We're not exactly friends, and don't always get on that well, so I wouldn't have thought you would have even considered agreeing to be my guide. Especially with a bond of the type that Martin described last night."

Nick shrugged. "I'm surprised too. But abandoning you when you haven't got full control of your senses is not something I'm comfortable doing. From what Danny told me, a sentinel-guide bond is something special, not something you just turn your back on without giving it proper consideration. I'm sure if I had been given a choice, you would not have been who I picked as a sentinel to bond with, but there is a reason that I was there yesterday when you needed me. I'm not sure if I believe in fate, but I'm not going to turn my back on this, or you, without giving it some thought. For now, at least, I'm here for you. So if you need any help, contact me."

Barba gave Nick a relieved look. "Thanks. I really appreciate it. It looks like I'll be at the Sentinel Center all day, but will you come back here tonight and we can discuss what we've learnt and any decisions we've made then?"

Nick smiled. "Yes, I'll be back. Make sure you put my name and number on the sentinel card they gave you last night in case you need me today. Otherwise I'll see you later." He got up and finished his coffee before heading back to the guest room to finish getting dressed.

Rafael went over to the table where he had put the pack Martin had given him yesterday. It had a sentinel contact card at the front, which was a bit like an emergency medical alert card. It explained that he was a sentinel, and had a space for the name and number of his guide to contact in an emergency. He wrote down Nick's details on it before putting it in his wallet. He felt safer just having that with him.

Nick left Barba's apartment and headed towards Queens. He had agreed to meet his cousin there for coffee so he could discuss the situation he had found himself in. After half an hour of Nick explaining what had happened, Eduardo looked at him seriously. "So you're telling me that a sentinel, someone you already know, came online and you happened to be in the vicinity, and were able to help him get control of his senses, without any help or support." Nick nodded. "Do you know how rare that is? What the odds are that you would be able to do that? Are you really going to throw that away and turn your back on this guy now? That's harsh man."

Nick sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "I don't know, Eduardo. I didn't ask for this, and it's not as if Barba and I are great friends. Half the time we don't get on at all. Plus he's a man. I like women, and from what I understand about the sentinel-guide bond, it leaves no place for other intimate relationships. My marriage might not have worked out, but I haven't given up the idea of finding someone else. I would have to if I agree to this."

"The bond is much stronger than a normal relationship. If you are highly compatible and allow the bond to develop, it is like nothing else you will experience. I had relationships before I met Gavin, but they were nowhere near as good as ours has been since we bonded as sentinel and guide. I wasn't sure when I met him, but I've never regretted that I bonded with him. I know he hasn't either. But it does depend to an extent on how compatible you are, and how willing you are to open up and trust each other.

Nick looked embarrassed about what he was about to ask. "Yes, and he's a man. From what I remember, you were in relationships with women before you bonded with Gavin. Wasn't that a problem for you?"

"I never would have thought of you as homophobic, Nick!"

Nick colored. "I'm not! What any man or woman do with anyone else is fine with me as long as everyone consents and is legally able to do so. But that doesn't mean I am comfortable considering a relationship with a man myself. From what I have heard about the bond, it includes sex. I've never considered having sex with a man and am not comfortable with that idea." He looked round to check if anyone had been able to overhear them. Luckily they hadn't.

"The bond is so much more than sex. Yes, until Gavin I had only been with women. But once I committed to the bond with him, the relationship got stronger, and sexual attraction grew and when we made love, it cemented our bond. I can honestly say that our sex life is better than I ever had with a woman. Don't be put off by that. I'm sure you'll like it when you try it – especially if it's with a sentinel you're bonded with."

"When I try it… You're so sure I will."

"I believe that each sentinel has a guide they are meant to be with, and that the two will connect and bond. I met Gavin soon after I came online, and you were there when your sentinel came online. You're meant to be together. I think you will realize that and agree to the bond."

Nick shook his head. "I never realized you thought that life was fated and people don't have free choice."

"Oh I think everyone has free choice. But I think if you choose to walk away from this bond, you are making a mistake." Eduardo realized his cousin needed more convincing. "Look, go to the Sentinel Center. There is a blood test that you can have done that will tell you how compatible the two of you are. The higher the compatibility factor, the stronger the bond has the potential to be. Anything less than 70% and the guide won't be able to help the sentinel control their senses. The highest recorded compatibility was 95%. Gavin and I are at 83%. Find out how compatible the two of you are. It'll give you more information." Another thought occurred to him. "How well do you know Barba?"

Nick shrugged. "Not at all really. We have rarely seen each other outside work, and then it's when we have been with other people from work."

"My advice is to get to know him better. What someone is like at work isn't really a good indication of what they are like outside work. So find out before you make a decision if you have anything in common, if you have similar values. Make an informed decision."

Nick smiled. He knew Eduardo was right; he needed more information. So he would get a blood test to find out how compatible he was with Barba, and get to know the man better.

Nick headed to the Sentinel Center after he had said goodbye to his cousin and thanked him for his help. He had promised to let him know what decision he came to, and he also had Gavin's cell number so he could speak to him for advice too, if he wanted a guide's perspective on things. In the meantime he had a blood test to get organized.

The Sentinel Center was very obliging when he went in and explained what had happened. They sent him to meet with a guide and also arranged for a blood test. They checked their logs and saw that Barba was there as well, so got his consent for the compatibility test. That would take a few hours. In the meantime, Nick met with the guide who explained more about the role of a guide, and what to expect if he should consent to the bond.

It was suggested that as both he and Barba were at the Center that they break for lunch together which Nick agreed to. It would give him chance to get to know him better. So they met up at the restaurant on site, and had a pleasant hour together, at Nick's suggestion, not talking about their current sentinel-guide dilemma or work. Instead they discussed hobbies, holidays and compared their backgrounds, finding they had quite a bit in common. Then it was back to learning more about the bond and his senses for Barba, and more about the sentinel-guide connection for Nick.

At 3pm Nick's guide got a call to say the compatibility results were ready. He was told that they should meet up with Barba so they could be given the results at the same time. Nick agreed, so they headed over to the other wing of the building, where the sentinels were based. The two men sat down and waited expectantly to be given the results.

Before they had been give the test, they had had explained to them what the results meant. Most sentinel-guides were in the 75-84% range, although a bond was usually successful from 70% upwards, and some sentinels and guides had successful bonds below 70%. Above 84% the compatibility was considered very strong, although only about 10% of sentinel-guide bonds were above this figure. When the results were opened, they were told their compatibility was 87%.

Nick was shocked that it was so high, and he started to feel trapped. Everything he had learnt that day was pushing him towards bonding with Barba, and he wasn't sure that was really what he wanted to do. Everything was moving far too fast for him. The sentinel who had been with Barba all day was speaking as if their bond was a sure thing, and even the guide who had been working with Nick seemed to assume the high compatibility percentage would have convinced Nick. Only Barba seemed to realize that Nick wasn't happy, and instead he wanted to escape. The ADA quickly made their excuses and got them out of there, telling the other men that they needed to talk and consider what this meant between them.

They went to a bar across the road from the Center, and Barba ordered them each a whiskey. Nick knocked it back in one, and Barba nodded to the bartender who refilled his glass. Nick sighed. "Thanks for getting me out of there."

Barba nodded. "No problem. I knew you needed to escape. They didn't even give us chance to consider what they were saying before they started congratulating us on our strong bond. It was too much for me, never mind you."

Nick looked at him. "Why do you consider this harder on me than you? You're the one whose life has changed overnight."

Barba met his look. "You have a choice to make. You can go back to life as usual if you want to. You don't need to say yes to being a guide, let alone bonding with me. I don't have a choice. I am now a sentinel whether I want to be or not. I don't have a choice here to make."

"Of course you do. Whether we bond or not is not just my decision. You have a say in it too. Are you really ready to agree to being bonded to me for life?" Nick asked, surprised. Somehow he would have thought Barba would have more of a problem with this.

But Barba met his eyes and Nick didn't see any hesitation in them as he answered, "Yes I am." He saw Nick's shocked look so expanded on his answer. "How well I cope with my senses is now partly out of my control, as the sentinels who do best are those with a compatible guide bonded to them. Most sentinels would do anything to have a guide who they are 87% compatible with. The chances of a guide with that high a compatibility being there when I went online are approximately 1 in 12000. There's no chance of me saying no to that. But I don't want you to feel trapped. This is your decision and if I were in your position I'm not at all sure I would say yes. So I won't hold it against you if you say no." Barba smiled at him. "In the meantime, I'm tired. I've been working with my senses all day and it's surprising how much energy it takes. So I'm going home. Will I see you later?"

Nick nodded. "I'll be there in a bit. I want to do a few things first."

Barba put some notes on the bar to cover their drinks before turning and leaving the bar. He really had no idea what decision Nick would make. All he knew is that if Nick turned down the bond with him, he felt he wouldn't get another chance for a good bond with a guide. He really hoped Nick would agree.

It was nearly 7pm by the time Barba heard the knock on his door and opened it for Nick. As the detective took his coat off, Barba pointed towards the table by the door, which now had a key sitting on it. "You might as well take this while you're staying here." He wandered back to the kitchen where he had been cooking. He didn't want to see Nick's face at the gesture. No-one had had a key for his apartment for a long time, so giving this out was a big deal for him, but he wasn't going to tell Nick that.

Nick picked up the key and looked at it for a minute. "Thanks," he said. He put it on his keyring at least for now. He took his shoes off before following the delicious smells to the kitchen. Barba passed him a beer from his fridge, which Nick took, before sitting down and looking round at the bubbling pan on the cooker.

Barba saw him looking at the food. "It's chilli. You hungry?"

Nick nodded. "Yeah. I didn't know you could cook."

"I don't get much time usually, but I enjoy it. Most of my dishes have a kick to them though. I like spicy food."

"Me too," Nick agreed. "I don't cook often, partly due to lack of time, and it doesn't seem worth it for just me. All Zara wants is junk food so I don't get much chance when she's with me either."

Barba turned the cooker off and drained the rice, then served them both with steaming plates of chilli with rice. There were even dips to go with it. Both men tucked in to the food and conversation was minimal until they finished. Nick insisted on washing up as Barba had cooked. They then settled in front of the TV and watched a hockey game that was on. Nick had a second beer and was surprised to see that Barba was only drinking water. He had expected him to have indulged in some whiskey. He commented on it.

Barba sighed. "I don't want to risk alcohol when my senses aren't fully under control. I realized after the drink earlier that I was finding it more difficult to keep them level. I need to keep a clear head for that, so no drinking for me at the moment."

Nick frowned. "But that is the reason I'm here – to help you."

Barba looked at him. "Yes, and believe me, you still might be needed. But I don't want to do anything to make that more likely. You've had no training in how to bring me out of a zone if I get into one, so I don't want to tempt fate."

"So when am I going to get this training, if it's something I need to help you?"

Barba looked down. He had been hoping to put this conversation off. He could hear that Nick's heartbeat had sped up just with the subject being brought up and knew the other man felt uncomfortable. "You're not. At least not now. I discussed it today with the sentinel and he agreed with what Martin said last night, that until you were sure you wanted the bond, I shouldn't become too reliant on you. It would just make it more difficult if I later have to manage on my own. I'm going back tomorrow when they will start my solo training."

Nick felt awkward. "Solo training; for sentinels that don't have a guide."

Barba nodded. "Yes." He heard Nick sigh. "Look Nick, I would want to have this training no matter what you decide about the bond. Even if we go ahead with it, I won't be with you all the time, especially at work, and I will feel better if I know more about how to help myself. I'm used to being self-sufficient."

Nick nodded. "Okay, I understand that. I promise I won't take too long to make up my mind about the bond. It's not as if I can stop thinking about it."

Barba took another drink of water. "No rush. It's a difficult decision to make. Take your time." Barba could hear Nick's heartbeat settle down again, and they sat back to finish watching the game.

Nick woke up earlier than normal and headed towards the kitchen to get himself a coffee. He felt a draught and looked round to see the balcony door was open and Barba was stood outside in just his pajama bottoms, staring out over the city. Nick went over to him and realized that he had zoned out, and was not conscious of where he was or responding to Nick at all. He tried clicking his fingers in front of the ADA's face, and speaking to him but got no response. He realized one of his senses must be spiking, and knew enough that the way to get him out of it was to pick another one to stimulate. But he couldn't tell which one was the problem. He decided it was probably sound or sight, so decided to concentrate on touch.

He put a hand on the ADA's bare shoulder, and felt how tense he was, but was shocked at how cold he felt. He must have been outside for hours. He decided to touch more to see if that got through to the freezing man, and stood just behind Barba and wrapped both arms around him. He felt the cold seeping into him through his thin t-shirt but ignored it. He ran his hands up and down Barba's chest, trying to get some reaction, even pinching his skin. He quietly murmured in his ear in Spanish, telling the other man to come back to him, to concentrate on how he felt touching him. After a few minutes he felt Barba shiver, then move slightly in his arms. He continued the movements but now told Barba to dial back his sight until it was normal and then his hearing, but to anchor his senses in touch. He gradually felt the other man relax in his arms, and it wasn't much later when he could tell Barba was fully back to himself and in control again. Nick pulled him into the lounge and sat him on the sofa before going to the bedroom and fetching a blanket, which he wrapped around the now shivering man. He poured him a coffee too and put that on the table in front of him.

Barba took the coffee and had a sip, before putting it down again. His hands were shaking and it took both of them to hold the mug. He pulled the blanket closer round himself. He felt so embarrassed at zoning out like that. "Thanks. I'm sorry that happened."

Nick sat down next to Barba and put his hand on his arm. "Not a problem. That's what I'm here for. I'm just glad I could bring you out of it. Do you know what set you off? How long were you out there?"

Barba thought about it. "I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep so got up. It was sunrise and I just went out to watch the sun come up. I saw a bird flying and followed it. I think that was what did it. I dialled up my sight while watching the bird and it zoned me out." He took another sip of his coffee. He was starting to warm up now, thank goodness.

Nick looked at the clock. "Sunrise was a few hours ago. No wonder you're cold. I should have been able to get you out of it quicker, or realized that there was a problem. I thought guides were meant to be able to tell when their sentinel was zoning out. That's what I've read." Now he felt guilty and protective of Barba. It was his job to stop these things happening, or at least prevent them going on for so long.

Barba looked at him. "Yes many guides can tell when their sentinel is in trouble, but that's only with bonded pairs with a high compatibility who have the training and trust in each other. New sentinels zone out regularly at first until they gain more control. It's not your fault I zoned, and if you hadn't been here I probably would still be in it. You got me out of it, without any training. I couldn't ask for more."

"Yes you could," Nick pointed out. "You could ask me to commit to the bond so it doesn't happen again; so I don't put you in danger again."

Barba sighed. "We've discussed this. I'm not going to ask you to do that. It would be selfish and unfair. It's your decision to make, without me pressuring you. Anyway, today I'm going to get some training, which will hopefully help me prevent zones happening in the first place, and help me out of them independently of you. That is what I need right now, along with a shower and to get dressed. I'm assuming you're going to work today. You'd better get moving too." Barba was glad to be able to change the subject. He finished his coffee and walked out of the room, without making eye contact with Nick again.

Nick stayed sitting on the sofa for a few minutes longer before getting up and ready for work. He was looking forward to not thinking about this for a few hours. He felt he was going round in circles and not getting anywhere.

At work Nick checked in with Liv then settled at his desk with paperwork. Liv hadn't told any of the squad what the reason for Nick's absence the previous day was, although Carisi guessed. When Liv sent the two of them out to interview a suspect, he broached the subject in the car. Nick confirmed that Barba was a sentinel who had just come online, and told Carisi that he was getting some training in how to manage his senses.

"Wow, so he had just come online as a sentinel and you were able to bring him out of it. That's pretty amazing. I thought only guides were able to do that." Carisi had done some reading in the last few days on the subject. Nick didn't reply. That didn't deter Carisi though, who used the silence to give Nick more facts about sentinels and guides that he had found out. Luckily they were close to their destination, so they had to get on with the job, which gave Nick a break from the constant babble about a subject he was avoiding.

Later that day when they had the suspect in lock-up and asking for a deal, Amanda said she would ring Barba. Liv had to tell her that Barba wasn't in work and to contact another ADA. That brought about more questions. Liv knew that Barba being a sentinel was something that would come out pretty quickly, as he would need to disclose it at work in order to continue his job. As a sentinel he would be able to pick up on unconscious signs from anyone in the courtroom, and that would give him an advantage. He'd be a walking lie detector if he used his abilities at work. As such he would be required to disclose. So Liv sat the squad down and told Fin and Amanda that Barba had come online as a sentinel. This brought more questions, like did he have a guide? Carisi immediately looked at Nick, although Liv had managed not to do that. Amanda and Fin saw Carisi's face, and they looked at Nick too, who immediately flushed and walked out of the room.

Liv took a breath in. "Nick was at the courthouse when Barba came online and he got him out of it and home. He has made sure that Barba has the support he needs to learn how to control his senses. That's all we need to know for now. Barba isn't at work at the moment, but I'm sure we will be informed how the DA's office intends to handle this once he does go back to work. In the meantime, let's not indulge in idle speculation, but just do our jobs."

Fin and Amanda looked at each other before the three detectives filed out of the room. Nick wasn't in the squad room so Liv went looking for him. Knowing her partner well, she didn't have trouble finding him in the bunkroom.

"Okay Nick; talk to me. What's the problem?"

Nick fiddled with his watch to avoid his partner's eyes. "My cousin's a sentinel so I know a bit about it, and I thought that was why I was able to bring Barba back when he first came online, but it seems that's not why, and it was pretty unusual that I could do that. We were both at the Sentinel Center yesterday and it turns out that we are 87% compatible for me to be his guide."

"That's pretty high isn't it?" Liv queried, not being as knowledgeable on the subject.

"Yeah. Most sentinel-guide pairings are below 84%. Supposedly it's a 1 in 12000 chance for that high a compatibility."

"So what's the problem?" Liv was pretty sure that she knew, but felt that Nick needed to talk about it with someone.

"The sentinel-guide bond is strong, and much more involved than I thought. There is no possibility of other relationships outside that bond, so you are stuck together for life. My cousin tells me it's great and he wouldn't want any other relationship, but having this dumped on me is really pissing me off. Barba is someone I work with. He's not someone I want to be bonded with. He's an asshole half the time, and he's a man."

"That's the real sticking point, isn't it Nick? I know Barba can be a pain at work, but I've gotten to know him outside work over the last year or so and he is a good guy. I think if you gave him a chance, you could be good friends. But for the bond between you to work, you need to be closer than that don't you? I think being in an intimate relationship with a man is a problem for you." Liv could see that Nick was getting irritated by the muscle in his jaw tensing.

"Yes it is. I'm heterosexual. I like women. How would you like to be told you had to be in a lesbian relationship for the rest of your life? I bet you wouldn't like it. Well I don't want my only opportunity for sex to be with a man for the rest of my life."

"No, I am sure I wouldn't like it, and I can understand that you feel trapped by this. How is Barba reacting? This affects him too."

Nick sighed. "I can't fault him. He's being very reasonable, refusing to pressure me into being his guide, and insisting I make my own decision. He's even getting solo training today so he can learn how to manage his zones without my help, and refusing to let me do any training in how to help him. He zoned out this morning and had been stood practically naked on his balcony for hours before I found him and brought him out of it. He was frozen. That had to be scary for him. But he still insisted I come to work and that he will be fine on his own."

"How do you feel about him?" Liv asked him gently.

Nick thought for a minute. "I feel guilty for not being able to do more to help him. I feel protective of him, which I know is a guide trait. I'm meant to feel that way about my sentinel. I want to help him, I really do, but it just seems so much to agree to bond with him, knowing all that entails. I'm not sure I can do it."

Liv put her hand on his arm. She could see how difficult this was for him. "Just take your time in making your decision, and if you need any time off, or someone to talk to, I'm here for you." She got up leaving Nick sat gazing into space. She didn't envy him the decision he had to make. He was a good man, always wanting to help others, and she couldn't see him refusing to help Barba, but this situation was all or nothing.

Nick decided to take up Liv on her offer for time off. For one thing he didn't want to have to face the rest of the squad just yet. He decided to go and talk to Gavin, his cousin Eduardo's guide. He arranged to meet him at a park in Queens, and they took a walk together. Nick didn't know Gavin that well, but he had been Eduardo's guide for 10 years, so they had met many times. Gavin knew what Nick was going through, and how he felt, so was glad to do what he could do to help.

"So how much do you know about the advantages of being a guide?" Gavin asked Nick, who looked blankly at him. "Sentinels have the hightened senses as an advantage, but there are positive points for guides too. A sentinel-guide bonded pair are well looked after, and prized around the world, almost as celebrities in some places. A sentinel-guide card can get you into many places you otherwise wouldn't be able to have access to," Gavin added, referring to the card that was issued to all sentinels and guides when they bonded, which was recognized throughout the world.

"There are financial incentives too, because the guide needs to stay close to their sentinel, which can sometimes make maintaining their separate jobs difficult. So the government pays an annual retainer to bonded pairs, on the understanding that they spend some time volunteering for various jobs such as manning the help line, and for other jobs where a sentinel is needed. There are cheaper rents and insurance too – less chance of a break-in or health problems with sentinels. Money wouldn't be an issue."

"There are health benefits too. The closer a bonded couple is, the healthier they seem to stay. Bonded pairs have a longer life expectancy and there is almost no cancer found in sentinels or guides. On top of that you have a partner you are compatible with, who will never cheat on you, or leave you. The sex is fantastic too. Although it's the sentinel who has hightened senses, it's almost as if there is a feedback loop, so when you are intimately connected you can feel what they feel. It's not like anything I've ever experienced before, and the stronger the bond, the better it is."

Nick looked away, feeling uncomfortable. "That's really TMI. I don't need to know about your sex life with my cousin."

Gavin smiled. "Yes you do, if you are considering this. Eduardo told me one aspect that you were worried about was being bonded to a man. I can tell you that it isn't a problem. I had been in relationships with women before I met Eduardo, and it concerned me too. But I didn't need to worry. Something about the bond increases the attractiveness of the other person, so even if you have never found men a turn on before, if you allow the bond, you will soon start to feel attracted to your sentinel, and you will want to get intimate with him. No-one is going to drag you kicking and screaming into his bed or force you to do something against your will, but by the time it happens, you will want it, want him, more than anything. It will feel natural, and right. So don't worry about that aspect of your bond."

Nick looked at Gavin. "Okay, so there are lots of advantages of being a guide. But I feel trapped, forced into saying yes to this when I have no choice. Don't you wish you had been given a choice?"

Gavin laughed. "No, but for me it was more natural. I met Eduardo in a bar and we got chatting. I felt there was something different about him and found myself wanting to get to know him better. It was only later I realized he was a sentinel and I was compatible to be his guide. I suppose it was the way most couples meet. What you have had happen is more like an arranged marriage, so it's understandable that you are fighting it, because we haven't been brought up to accept these things. But don't cut off your nose to spite your face. There are definitely advantages to being bonded, so look at this as an opportunity, not a burden. Unless you really can't stand your sentinel, then accept the bond. Yes it will change your life, but for the better. Don't turn your back on that unless you have good reason to do so."

"I agree with what Eduardo told you to do. Spend time with him, and get to know him better. Then the bond will feel less scary to you, less as if you are committing yourself to a stranger. Become friends and develop the trust between you. That's what the bond will grow from." Gavin looked at his watch. "I've really got to get back to work now, but call me anytime if you have questions or want to talk." They two men stood up and shook hands before Gavin strode off.

Nick decided to do some research into the bond and what to expect as a guide. It wasn't that he didn't believe what Gavin had told him, but he wanted to check the facts for himself, so he could make an informed decision. So he made his way back to the Sentinel Center, as he knew they had an extensive library there. He signed in and was shown to the library, and used the next few hours to look up and find more about the bond. He texted Barba, having seen that he had been signed in when he arrived, and they again met up for lunch.

Barba was feeling better now he was warmer, and had learnt some techniques for recognizing when one of his senses was getting out of control. He wanted to feel independent, and not reliant on Nick, no matter what decision he made. He tried to keep the subject off what they were both doing there, and more on casual subjects. He was aware that he and Nick were practically strangers outside work, so wanted to change that. Their conversation covered many topics, and the time flew. By the time Barba had to go back to his next class, he felt much happier that he and Nick were on their way to becoming friends.

Nick also reflected on their lunch together during his afternoon in the library. What he had read just confirmed what Gavin had said. So much of the sentinel-guide bond wasn't understood, but the studies that had been performed showed that compared to the 'normal' population, bonded pairs had longer, healthier lives, and were happier too.

One thing that Nick discovered when he reluctantly read a study about the sex life of bonded pairs was that when two men bonded, it was usually the guide that was the bottom in their intimate lives. That definitely put Nick off. It was one thing for him to consider getting into bed with another man, but quite another to consider intercourse with him on the receiving end. There was no way he would do that. The study confirmed that the bond had a positive effect on the sex lives of bonded couples though, with evidence showing more frequent sex and better orgasms than non-bonded couples. Nick still wasn't convinced though.

He made his way back to Barba's apartment and used the key to let himself in. He decided it was his turn to cook tonight, so had bought some groceries on the way and set about marinating some chicken and chopping vegetables. By the time Barba made it back home, the food was nearly ready. He was really pleased to see that Nick had made himself at home, and had even prepared a meal for them. They kept away from sentinel-guide subjects again that evening, and spent a relaxing night over food and a movie before heading to their separate rooms for the night.

Nick woke up in the night sweating and breathing heavily. He felt wetness in his groin and realized he had had a wet dream. It was still vivid in his mind. He had been having an argument with Barba, as had happened in the past when they had been in work, when Nick was overcome with lust and launched himself at the ADA. They had met in the middle and passion had overtaken them both, with them kissing as if they couldn't bear to be apart before tearing each other's clothes off. He could remember feeling lust rolling off him in waves, and being harder than he had been in years. In his mind he could see Barba push him naked down to the floor of his office, and him wrapping his arms and legs around the ADA, and begging him to take him. He could almost feel the emptiness inside him ease as Barba thrust his cock inside him, and then they started moving together, with the passion growing as they got closer to their peaks.

Even remembering this dream Nick could feel his spent cock twitch again. He knew from the feelings that what he had dreamt about was their first time. He resolutely got out of bed and tried to clear his mind as he made his way to the bathroom to clean up. He assumed this dream was due to the bond, and meant to encourage him to consent to it. Certainly if the reality was anything like his dream then the sex would be amazing, but Nick still felt very uncomfortable. He went back to bed and read a book for a while to try to take his mind off the dream. He was marginally successful, and eventually drifted back to sleep again.

In the morning Nick found it difficult to face Barba, knowing what he had dreamt about the night before. When he finally did look at the ADA, he found himself checking him out, looking at his shapely ass in the jeans he was wearing, and the broadness of his shoulders in his casual shirt. He wrenched his eyes away before he could be caught staring by the other man.

Today Nick went in to work again, determined to take his mind off his disturbing dream and concentrate on the job. Liv had obviously said something to the others as no one said anything to him about his time off or about Barba. He was grateful of the respite. Still, he found his mind wandering regularly, wondering what Barba was doing, and thinking about the bond between them that seemed to be growing, whether he gave permission or not.

The rest of the week carried on much the same way, with Barba going to the Center each day and Nick to work. Barba had been told that until the situation was resolved with Nick, he should not be working, so he spent the time learning much more about his senses and role as a sentinel. In the evenings they didn't discuss the bond, but spent a lot of time together, both deliberately keeping off the subject on both their minds.

Barba had one more zone-out, this time in the shower. Nick went to investigate when he realized he had heard the water running for nearly an hour, and found a very soggy Barba who had zoned out on the feel of the water from the massaging showerhead on his skin. Nick managed to turn the water off and after a while bring Barba out of his zone, this time using his hearing to bring him back to himself. Nick wondered ironically if the bond was forcing his hand by making sure that Barba only zoned out when he was either naked or semi-naked. He had managed to not stare at Barba's body too much in the shower, but had been very conscious of it, in a way he wouldn't have been before.

That night the dream that had been a nightly occurrence was extra vivid, as Nick's brain now had the memories of his naked body to add realism. Despite how satisfying the dream had been in Nick's mind, it was just frustrating him in his waking hours. Not only did he have memories of fantastic sex which hadn't happened, which reminded him just how long he had been on his own, he was finding himself more and more attracted to Barba. He knew this couldn't carry on much longer. He needed to make a decision.

That night he was quieter than normal. Barba noticed this but didn't comment, suspecting it was the bond that was on Nick's mind. Barba had learnt a lot about the bond that week and how it developed between sentinel and guide, and had a pretty good idea of what Nick had been going through. He had heard Nick get up during the night more than once, and knew from his research that erotic dreams were one of the ways the bond developed, although they didn't occur in all pairs. He had been having them too, at the same time as Nick, which he had learnt was normal. He knew they would just get more intense too until they either bonded or parted. Barba knew that if Nick didn't agree to the bond they would need to avoid each other for the dreams to die down, and had reluctantly decided that if they were not to be bonded, that he would need to change jobs and probably move somewhere else to be sure not to bump into Nick again. He was still hopeful that Nick would agree though.

Eventually Barba got tired of Nick gazing into space and decided to stop ignoring the elephant in the room. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked the detective gently.

Nick looked up at Barba; surprised he had brought the subject up. "I don't know, maybe." He wasn't really sure what to say. "How have things been for you this week at the Center?" He hadn't asked Barba anything about how he was spending his time, so was curious.

Barba sat down on one of the chairs in the lounge, well away from Nick. He had been keeping his distance all week. "Fine. I'm learning lots of ways to improve my control, and am meditating regularly which helps. I've learnt a lot about my abilities and researched the bond pretty thoroughly. I know what I can expect from now on, and can probably answer any questions you have."

Nick colored and looked away, and Barba could tell he was thinking about the dreams. "For instance, I now know that dreaming is one way the bond between a sentinel and guide can often start. When they occur, the dreams happen in parallel, with the intensity increasing until the bond is complete.

Nick looked round at Barba, shocked that he had brought the subject up. "In parallel?"

Barba smiled at Nick. "Yes. Studies show that both sentinel and guide have the same dreams at the same time." Nick immediately got up and headed for the kitchen. He needed a drink to get through this conversation. "The whiskey's in the cupboard above the fridge if you want something stronger than beer," Barba called out. Nick as expected got out the whiskey and a glass and knocked back a large gulp before pouring another one for himself.

"Are you sure you don't want one?" he queried of Barba.

"No, I'm fine, thanks."

Nick came back to sit down in the lounge. "And why are you so fine about this? Those dreams are pretty…intense. Doesn't it bother you at all?"

Barba laughed. "They're leaving me feeling pretty frustrated if you really want to know. But the subject matter doesn't bother me. I'm bisexual so no stranger to sex between men. I guess that's bothering you though."

Nick nodded. "The dreams make it seem pretty…good… though."

Barba agreed. "Yes it is, although my research tells me that the intensity we're feeling in the dreams is more to do with the sentinel-guide bond. I've always found sex satisfying, whether I've been with a man or a woman though."

"Does," Nick found his mouth drying up and had to clear his throat before continuing. "Does the position make much difference to how good it is?" He couldn't meet Barba's eyes, and instead took another drink and kept looking down.

Barba realized how difficult it was for Nick to ask this question, and also realized what he was really worried about. "I've always enjoyed being on the giving and receiving end of sex with a man. Different men like different things though and in my experience what men do in bed varies depending on the preferences and mood of those involved. Despite the studies showing that usually the guide is on the receiving end with a sentinel-guide bond, that isn't always the case, and it would depend on the two men involved in the bond. It's not what I would expect, especially at first."

Nick looked up and finally met Barba's eyes. "It's not?" he asked.

"No. I definitely don't see our dream coming true, especially not in a new bond. Apart from anything else, the carpet in my office is really scratchy." He thought a bit of humor might help. He saw the faint smile on Nick's face.

"If you agreed to the bond between us," Barba said, emphasizing the word if, "then our first time would be gentle and slow, with no potential question of whether you had consented or not. We've both been working in sex crimes long enough to know that people overtaken by passion don't always consider the consequences or stop to ensure consent. That wouldn't happen with us. There is also no way that you would be on the receiving end either. That would be me. I know what to expect and am able to relax. I wouldn't risk hurting you by doing it any other way. That dream is not a foretelling of our first time, so don't worry about that."

Barba tried to read the look on Nick's face, and saw relief there, as well as what he thought was arousal. He turned up his dials a bit. Now he could hear Nick's heartbeat, which had increased, and smell the sweat on his skin and the arousal he was feeling. He smiled. It was good to know he wasn't the only one affected here. He turned down the dials again. The last thing he needed was to zone out on Nick.

Nick wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans. He felt relieved to know that Barba wasn't expecting the dream to come true, but found that he was feeling turned on at the description of how Barba saw their first time. He liked the idea of gentle and slow, and also Barba being on the bottom. He could do that. He looked up and saw the smile on Barba's face.

"Anything else you want to know?" Barba asked Nick. Nick shook his head.

The next say was Saturday, and Nick didn't need to be in work. He stayed lying in bed for a long time, thinking about the dream he had had the previous night. Unlike the one that had repeated all week, this one was different, much more like what Barba had suggested for their first time. He saw them at Barba's apartment, not office, and them kissing passionately, but staying in control. They had moved to the bedroom and stripped each other's clothes off before making love, this time as Barba had said, with him on the receiving end. The passion that Nick had felt in all the dreams was the same, as were the feelings of emptiness being filled and the rightness of the bond between them. He found himself getting turned on again, and this time instead of ignoring it, he deliberately jerked himself off to thoughts of Barba before getting up for the day.

Barba was lying in his bed, listening to Nick. He had gone to bed thinking about how he would want their first time to go, and hoped that would influence the dream they shared that night. It had. He remembered that when he woke up and was pleased that it had worked. He didn't want Nick to be scared about accepting the bond because he was worried about the sex between them. He listened to Nick's heartbeat, the way he had been doing each day when he woke up. He heard it speed up and wondered what Nick was doing, so turned up his sense of smell too. He could smell the arousal from the guest room and hear the sounds of flesh, and realized what Nick was doing. He was instantly hard, and joined Nick in jerking off, both men thinking about each other in their separate beds as they came at the same time.

Barba and Nick made their way to the local diner for breakfast, and discussed their lack of plans for the day. They decided to spend time together and visit a local art gallery that had an exhibit they were both interested in, before doing some chores in the afternoon. They spent a few hours together, good-naturedly arguing about the different exhibits, before having lunch, then going their separate ways for the afternoon.

Nick went back to his apartment and packed a suitcase as well as picking up a couple of his suits for work. He looked round the apartment and sized it up. He had memories there of Maria, which he was keen to let go of, and he would be able to make more memories of Zara at Barba's apartment. It was also in a good area, so it would be snatched up if he gave it up. He sat down heavily, realizing what he was thinking.

Had he made up his mind about the bond? Was he ready to accept that his life would be with Barba, at his apartment? He thought about how his thinking had changed in the last week, and what he was considering. He realized that his mind was made up. There was no good reason to deny the bond, and lots of advantages to it. He wanted to be able to help Barba, and had become good friends with him. He wasn't even too worried about the sex now, thanks to his conversation with the other man and the change in their dream. He smiled to himself, before picking up his case and putting it in the trunk of his car. He packed up more of his stuff before heading back to what he was now starting to consider his home.

When Barba heard Nick come in, he went to the door and took the suit bag from him and took it to the guest room and hung it up. Nick told him he had more stuff in the car, so Barba went down with him and helped him with the multiple bags and boxes he had brought with him. Nick wasn't meeting his gaze and seemed reluctant to admit what was becoming obvious, that he was moving in. Barba felt a warm glow inside as he realized this meant Nick was accepting the bond, even if he hadn't said so yet.

Once they had the car emptied, both men sat down and Barba got them both a beer. Nick raised his eyebrow at that. "I thought you weren't drinking?"

Barba grinned. "True, but it's only one beer, and I think we're celebrating, aren't we?"

Nick went red at that, knowing what Barba was referring to, but nodded. "Yes, we are."

Barba leaned forward and caught his eye. "Thanks Nick, I know it wasn't an easy decision. You could have denied the bond and kept your life as it was, so I really appreciate this."

Nick smiled at him. "From what I've learnt about the bond, there are advantages for me too. I just couldn't walk away when you needed this, Barba. I'm sure this can be good for both of us."

Barba looked at him curiously. "Are you going to keep calling me Barba when we're fully bonded?"

Nick looked startled. "I suppose I'm just used to calling you Barba or counsellor. I'm sure I can get used to calling you Rafael though." He saw the pleased look on the other man's face as he used his first name, and resolved to keep using it. He realized Rafael had been calling him Nick all the time, and not used Amaro since before he had come online as a sentinel. "So what do we need to do now?"

Rafael thought for a minute. We will need to go to the Center and do some training together so you can get better at helping me with my senses. So far I haven't tried to use them much, as I've been too worried about what might happen. But I will be able to use them more and be much more in control with your help. Once we've completed the initial training we can register as a bonded pair. That's all the official stuff we need to do, although there is more training as we get better at controlling my senses which we can do later. How much we meld our lives together and what happens in our personal lives is up to us. Nick raised his eyebrows at this, knowing Rafael was referring to sex. Rafael ignored this. "There is no rush for anything though. We can take our time. It is probably best to go to the Center tomorrow though, and get the training and registered. I'll be able to go back to work next week now we've resolved this, which will be good, as I'm getting a bit bored now."

Nick laughed. "I bet you are. A few rapists and sexual assaults will soon cure your boredom. Tomorrow's fine by me for getting our training completed. But what about tonight? Is there anything you fancy doing?"

Barba thought for a minute. "How about dinner then a show? I haven't been out for a while so it would make a nice change."

"Good idea," Nick agreed, before heading off to his room to put away his stuff and change.

That night they had dinner at a lovely Italian restaurant that Rafael knew, before getting standby tickets to a show. At one point Rafael found himself starting to zone out with the music, but Nick seemed to sense this and put a hand on his arm to get his attention. That was enough to stop the zone, and both men relaxed for the rest of the evening. When they got back home, Nick hesitated, as if not sure if Rafael was going to make a move on him. The evening had felt like a date to him, and he was half expecting a goodnight kiss if not more from the sentinel. Rafael could sense Nick's nerves, being able to hear his rapid heartbeat and rapid breathing, but ignored it, and just treated Nick as he had done every other evening they had spent together, before they both parted for the night. Nick was surprised how disappointed he felt.

The following day they were at the Center bright and early, and were soon being put through their paces by a sentinel and guide. They tested them and showed Nick techniques to help bring Rafael out of a zone, as well as showing Rafael how to use Nick to anchor himself when stretching his senses, so he didn't go into a zone. They passed all the tests with flying colors, and had no problems with any of the exercises. By the time they left, they both had newly minted sentinel-guide bond cards, complete with their photos.

One thing that Nick had been surprised at was how much touch was involved. He and Rafael had hardly ever touched, and Rafael had been keeping his distance. But it was explained to them that sight and sound were the senses that most often zoned, and touch was the easiest sense to use to both bring a sentinel out of a zone and also anchor him to the present. When they had touched, Nick felt almost a jolt of electricity between them, and he realized how comfortable he was touching Rafael. He didn't want to stop.

The following week found both sentinel and guide at work during the day, and spending their evenings at the apartment. They kept visiting Nick's place and gradually got everything packed up and moved. It meant a squeeze at Rafael's place, but Nick started going through his stuff and getting rid of duplicates of household items that Rafael also owned. They also spent some time practicing the exercises they had learnt, and gradually with Nick's help, Rafael was able to extend his senses even further than he had been able to before. Apart from this, nothing between them changed though. Other than their exercises, there was still minimal touching between them, and nothing intimate was happening at all. The dreams continued and were just as erotic, and both men got in the habit of jerking off every morning. The frustration was growing in both of them though.

On Wednesday a case came in which needed Barba's input, and he came over to the precinct to meet with a suspect and arrange a plea deal. After a quick discussion of the case with the detectives, Barba left. He had tried not to act any differently to normal or show much attention to Nick, but suspected he failed. He was well aware that all the squad knew he was a sentinel and Nick was his guide, and felt quite uncomfortable with the situation, even though no one said anything directly to him. Nick found himself staring after Rafael after he walked out, and then heard laughter from Amanda who was watching him.

"Wow, talk about UST! I thought now you guys were bonded you would be at each other like bunnies, but obviously not." Nick felt his face heat up and his temper flair, and didn't trust himself to speak. He stormed out of the squad room, still hearing Amanda's laughter following him.

Liv overheard this and glared at Amanda. "Amanda! What did I say about being tactful with those two and keeping quiet? Keep out of it in future!" She walked out of the squad room after Nick. She found him on the roof of the building and sat down next to him.

"Are you okay Nick?" she asked in gentle voice.

He sighed. "Yes. I know I shouldn't let her get to me, but it just hit a bit close to home."

"I assume you haven't resolved everything between you then." She knew she was probing, but had the feeling Nick needed to talk about it. "If you want to talk, it's the end of the day. We could go and get a drink."

Nick looked at her for a minute, thinking, before nodding. They made their way to a local bar, not the one they most commonly frequented, as they didn't want to bump into anyone they knew. They got drinks and sat down, and Nick quickly drank some, wanting a bit of alcohol in his system before he started talking about this with Liv.

"I know you've agreed to the bond, done your training and registered as a bonded couple. But you obviously haven't completed the bond or moved your personal life on yet, have you? What are you waiting for?"

"I'm waiting for Rafael. I made the first move by agreeing to the bond – now it's his turn." Nick saw Liv's eyebrows rise up when he used the ADA's first name, so elaborated. "I could hardly keep calling him Barba when I'm bonded with him, could I?"

Liv smiled. "No, you should be calling him Rafael. But I'm not sure he will make the first move. Think about it from his point of view; he's the more experienced man who is going to bed a nervous virgin. He's hardly going to jump you, is he?"

Nick glared at Liv at her description of him as a nervous virgin, although he couldn't deny that it was pretty accurate. He sighed. If it were him, he wouldn't be making the first move either. But the idea of him having to do it made him very uncomfortable. "So what should I do?"

Liv smiled. "What would you do if he were a woman you were interested in? How about asking him on a date?"

Nick snorted. "Yeah, and then at the end of the night walk him to his bedroom door, which incidentally is right next to mine, and kiss him goodnight?"

Liv laughed. "I bet that would work. Look, you've both been involved with SVU for years, so he will be very conscious of issues of consent. He will want to be sure you are ready before anything happens between you."

Nick sighed. "Yeah, he said as much when we discussed the dreams."

"Dreams?" Liv questioned.

Nick ran a hand through his hair and took another gulp of his drink. "I started having erotic dreams every night. Rafael confirmed that they are part of the bonding process, and that we both had the same dreams at the same time. They were very… detailed. Rafael and I were arguing in his office and I just lost it and grabbed him. It went from there. I'm sure you can use your imagination to fill in the blanks."

Liv definitely could. "So you've discussed these erotic dreams, and know that part of your bond will involve intimacy between you, but still are not able to make a move on him. Considering you both talk about sex as part of your jobs, you don't seem to be doing very well at communicating about it with each other."

Nick laughed. "Yeah, you're right. I think he wanted to reassure me that the dream wouldn't come true. It was before I agreed to the bond. I think he realized that I was worried about it."

Liv looked confused. "I thought the dreams were erotic and meant to encourage the bond. It sounds as if that worked. So why would you not want them to come true?"

Nick sighed. "Most male sentinel-guide bonded pairs have the guide as being on the receiving end of sex, and this was what was in the dreams. Rafael wanted me to know that he didn't expect that, and it wasn't the way it would go between us. The dreams changed after that to what he had described instead. I've been having these damned dreams every night since then, and they are leaving me very frustrated. I've tried dropping hints, but he still seems to think I'm not interested or ready for that yet."

Liv looked at him as something occurred to her. "So how have you been dealing with this frustration?"

Nick glared at her. He really didn't think he needed to explain this to her.

Liv smiled. "Rafael has heightened senses. I bet he is very conscious of you, his guide, and I am sure the apartment walls aren't thick enough to cover up you dealing with your frustration. I'm sure they are having the same effect on him too. If he's not making a move, it isn't because he isn't sure you are ready or interested. I bet he wants you to make the first move to appease his ego."

Nick looked confused. Liv expanded on this. "You are the one in this relationship who could have walked away. He needed you to help him control his senses. You've accepted the bond, but only reluctantly after keeping him sweating for over a week. He wants to feel you actually want to be with him, and the only way he will feel that is if you make the first move. You've been in the position of power from the start of this, and he has been the vulnerable one. He wants to be the one saying yes or no, and for you to be the one waiting for his answer. There is no way he is going to say no to you, but he needs this to feel equal in the relationship again. That's what I think anyway."

Nick thought about it for a minute. It made sense. Rafael was the one who had first told Nick that he would agree to the bond and that he needed Nick. He had explained the dreams and been the one to have the uncomfortable discussion about sex between them. He was even willing to be on the receiving end of sex, and made sure Nick knew it. He could see why Rafael would want him to put himself in the uncomfortable position of making the first move. It also fitted with him wanting to make certain that Nick was consenting to the intimacy, and had thought about it and made a decision without being swept away with passion.

Nick slowly smiled. "Okay, then. So I have to make the first move. I can do that. It's not as if he's going to turn me down is it? I'll ask him out on a date Friday night. Neither of us are working this weekend, so it doesn't matter if we have a late night."

The following day Liv met up with Rafael for lunch. They had regularly done this before he had become a sentinel, and saw no reason not to continue it. This was the first time they had met up alone since he come online though.

"So how are you?" she asked after they had ordered their meals. "There have been a lot of changes to your life since we last met up."

He smiled at her. "True. I've come online as a sentinel and bonded with one of your detectives. Which of these has you most curious to hear about?"

Liv laughed. "The latter. Amanda gave Nick some grief yesterday after you visited, and so we went out for a drink. Your ears should have been burning."

Rafael took a sip of his water before replying. "What did Amanda say to him? Was he okay afterwards? He seemed fine by the time I saw him at home later."

"She commented about the UST between the two of you and said she thought you'd be at each other like bunnies."

Rafael smiled. "I can imagine he didn't take that well. He is still uncomfortable with the idea."

Liv gave him a knowing smile. "Oh I think he's more comfortable with the idea than you are letting on. But he agreed to the bond last weekend and yet you're doing nothing about the UST. So why not?"

Rafael took another drink as he decided how to reply. "It's up to Nick to make the first move. I need to be sure he has thought about it and is really ready for things to get intimate between us."

"That's not the only reason though is it? I think your ego wants him to make the first move. You know how frustrating the dreams have been making him, and you're waiting to see how long it takes before he snaps and does something about it." He looked curiously at her, so she explained what she had figured out and told Nick yesterday. He smirked so she took that as agreement that her theory was correct.

"Nick has been telling you a lot if you know about the dreams, and how frustrated he is. Did he tell you how he's dealing with his frustration?"

"He didn't need to. I could figure that out for myself. I don't think it had occurred to him that with your senses, you would know too though."

Rafael choked on his drink as something occurred to him. He glared at Liv. "You told him that didn't you – that I would know what he was doing." Liv nodded. Rafael swore under his breath in Spanish. "That bastard. That explains this morning. I'll get him for that!"

Liv looked curiously at him so he explained. He wouldn't normally, but Nick didn't deserve to have his privacy kept, judging by the amount he had discussed with her. "Nick jerked off this morning, as he has been doing regularly each day, but today he said my name when he came. He knew I was listening, didn't he?"

Liv laughed at that. "Yes he did. He definitely has a naughty streak. I think you'll have your hands full with him when you finally get round to taking him to bed."

Rafael joined in her laughter. "You're right. I can't wait."

That night Rafael decided it was his turn to have some fun with Nick. As he made dinner for them while Nick was reading the paper, he decided to do a bit of probing. "Liv told me that Amanda made a comment to you yesterday about us. I know the two of you had a thing a while back – is she still feeling propriatory about you, or have you been seeing each other recently?"

Nick looked up, startled not only by the question, but also wondering what else Liv had said to Rafael. "No, Amanda and I haven't been together for ages now. She still likes to wind me up though. So when were you discussing it with Liv?"

Rafael smiled. "We usually meet up for lunch once a week. Were your ears burning? I gather mine should have been last night when you had a drink with her. I bet she's enjoying getting to hear from both of us about this."

Nick looked a bit uncomfortable at the idea of her having just as frank a conversation with Rafael as she had with him the night before. "Yeah, I bet she's loving this. What did she say about last night?"

Rafael laughed. "Oh, I think that's privileged information. I get the impression she gave you some insights into me that you didn't have before. She knows me pretty well now, so if you wanted to pump anyone for information about me, Liv is the one to speak to."

Nick looked startled. "So you don't mind me doing that – talking to Liv about you?"

"Not at all. I know this situation is awkward for you, and you might want someone to talk to. Liv is friends with both of us and wants things to work out for the best, so I trust her to be on our side and help rather than cause problems for us. I think she has an over-inflated view of my ego though."

"Really?" Nick commented, then it occurred to him how that subject would have come up. "Is she wrong then?"

Rafael paused for a minute, realizing what Nick was really asking him. He looked Nick in the eyes, and then smiled. "No, she isn't wrong. It hadn't occurred to me until she told me what she thought though." Rafael let the conversation drop then.

Nick went back to his paper, although his mind wasn't on what he was reading. He realized that Rafael kept discussing things to do with their bond to make things easier on him. It was obvious that Liv had discussed why Rafael wasn't making a move on Nick with him, and now Rafael had confirmed that Liv's theory about his ego being one of the reasons why was correct. It was good to know that and it made Nick feel more comfortable in making the first move. "So, I was thinking – do you want to go out to dinner tomorrow night?" he asked.

Rafael stopped dishing up the food and grinned. "Sure, why not? Is this for any special occasion?"

Nick hesitated for a second. "No, not really. I just thought it would be nice to go out."

Rafael smiled. "Ok, if you say so. I thought the way your heart rate had increased that you were asking me out on a date."

Nick sighed. He hadn't thought about Rafael being able to hear his heart. "Well, yes, I am I suppose."

Rafael laughed. "Really cool Nick. I see why you've been such a hit with the ladies." He carried their plates to the table and stopped as he passed the other man and looked up at him. "Yes, I'd love to go on a date with you tomorrow night."

After they finished eating and were about to put a movie on, Nick asked Rafael the question that had been on his mind for the last hour. "Do you do that often? Listen to my heart beating I mean."

"Yes I do. I don't extend my senses far as I still don't feel in control of them, but this apartment is small and the walls are thin, so I don't need to do much to hear you. Especially last thing at night and in the morning I find it… relaxing." Rafael said this last bit with a smirk on his face, which told Nick exactly what he was referring to. He now had his confirmation that Rafael had heard him jerking off. He knew he was bright red, especially when Rafael started laughing at him. "Don't worry about it Nick. You'd have to be dead not to react to those dreams, and you're not alone, believe me."

After the movie, by which time Nick had managed to calm down, they said goodnight, and were about to separate to their own rooms when Nick was stopped by Rafael's low call and a hand on his arm. It was one of the few times Rafael had touched him outside of their exercises. "Nick. This date tomorrow night. Am I going to get a goodnight kiss at the end of it?"

Nick turned round and looked into Rafael's eyes, seeing how they had darkened. "Is that what you want? Do you want me to kiss you?"

Rafael returned Nick's serious look. "Yes, yes I do," he murmured, huskily.

Nick couldn't resist. He stepped closer and moved his free hand to the back of Rafael's head, and wound his fingers in his hair before drawing him forward until their lips met. Nick might be inexperienced when it came to intimacy between men, but he knew how to kiss, and soon demonstrated that to his partner. He brushed their lips together, and then when Rafael softened his lips and opened them, he took advantage and slipped his tongue inside the other man's mouth. Rafael responded, and they were soon kissing passionately, their tongues thrusting against each other the way their bodies wanted to. Rafael could feel the hardness of Nick's erection against his hip, and knew they both wanted the same thing. But this was not what he planned, and he wanted Nick to have chance to think about it before they took things further.

Rafael gradually calmed the kiss before breaking it completely and leaning his forehead against Nick's, panting softly. He slowly pulled away from Nick before looking him in the eye and smiling. "Good night Nick," he said as he backed away before going into his room and shutting the door behind himself. Nick was left stood in the hallway, hardly believing what had happened. He got ready for bed on autopilot, and lay in his bed, thinking about the kiss and how hot it had been.

He hadn't really expected just a kiss to turn him on so much. He was still hard, and knew he wouldn't be able to get to sleep like that. So he replayed the kiss in his mind, while his hand enclosed his erection, this time envisioning Rafael on the other side of the wall doing the same thing. He knew he would be listening, so decided to take advantage of that fact, and murmured under his breath as he stroked himself to orgasm. "Is this what you wanted? Are you enjoying this? Wouldn't you rather be in here with me, with your hand on me instead of my own? Are you doing the same thing as me? I wish I could hear you like you can me. Don't expect to get away so easily tomorrow night. I don't intend us to be in separate beds then. God I'm so close… I want to feel your hands on me, you mouth around me. I want to fill you with my cock until you scream my name. Ahhh… Rafael." Nick panted as he relaxed onto the bed, and heard a low moan from next door. He smiled before mopping up his torso with tissues then settled down to sleep.

The following morning Nick and Rafael met over the coffee maker, as they got ready to leave for work. Nick felt embarrassed as he remembered the dirty talk he had used last night, which Rafael had overheard, but brazened it out. He saw softness in Rafael's eyes as he said good morning to him; one that he hadn't seen before, and correctly read the affection in it. He stopped himself leaning in for a kiss, which was his first instinct. Judging by the smile he saw on the ADA's face, he had realized what Nick was about to do. Instead he made the move, and leaned in to kiss Nick. It was a quick kiss, not quite chaste, but this time with the passion kept in check.

"I've got to go as I've got an early meeting with the DA before court. What time should I be ready tonight for our date?" Rafael asked.

"Is 7pm okay? I'll book a table for 7.30pm."

"That's fine. See you later and have a good day," Rafael smiled and leaned in for a last kiss before picking up his briefcase and walking out of the apartment. Nick grinned. He was really looking forward to tonight.

During the day both men were distracted. Rafael managed to keep his mind on the case enough in court, helped by the fact that the attorney for the accused was pretty useless. Nick however was stuck doing paperwork most of the day, and found his mind wandering. He was glad that they had kissed last night. It had helped quell his nerves, as it had shown him that the sex between them would be damn good. Up to then he hadn't had any empirical data to go on, just his imagination and the dreams. Now he knew what it felt like to kiss Rafael and feel their bodies pressed up against each other. He had no intention of stopping at that tonight.

The workday eventually ended for both men, and they went back to the apartment to shower and change for dinner. Rafael took longer than normal to get ready, knowing what would be happening later in the evening, so spent time stretching himself and applying lube in preparation. It would save time later.

Nick had booked a table at a Thai restaurant he was fond of, and both men walked there, enjoying the pleasant evening and each other's company. They shared a bottle of wine with the meal, and found they were staring at each other more than usual, and their hands brushed as they passed dishes, and fed each other bits from their plates. It was definitely a romantic evening and both men were feeling turned on by the time they left, and headed back home. Nick could feel his heart rate increase with nerves, and knew that Rafael would be able to tell, but the older man took Nick's hand and entwined their fingers together and didn't say anything.

When they got to the apartment, Rafael opened the door and let them in, and after locking the door behind them, he stood still, watching to see what Nick did next. Nick walked up to him and took his face in both hands before diving in to kiss him. Rafael responded straight away and the kiss held none of the restraint it had that morning, and quickly got passionate, with both men equally invested in the kiss. Rafael pulled away just enough so they could start heading towards his bedroom without bumping into furniture, and just before they got there, he broke the kiss to ask Nick "Are you sure about this?"

Nick glared at him. "You really think you need to ask that? Yes I'm sure." He ground his hips hard against Rafael's, leaving him in no doubt how hard he was.

Rafael groaned and swept his hands down Nick's back to his ass, and pushed one of his thighs between Nick's legs, and returned the thrust. He wasn't going to stop now. He turned Nick round and pushed him backwards until his legs hit the bed, then toppled them both down until they were lying on the bed. Rafael pulled back and quickly removed his suit coat and wrenched his tie off, before starting to undo his shirt buttons. Nick started watching before he realized he should be doing the same thing, and copied Rafael's actions. It wasn't long before both men were down to their underwear, and were too distracted with each other to continue stripping.

Neither man was going to last long, and their frantic kisses and thrusting against each other threatened to get out of control. Rafael dragged his boxers off and started pushing off Nick's until they were both naked. Nick wasn't paying attention; too busy exploring all the hot skin of his lover. Rafael blindly reached up into his bedside drawer and found the bottle of lube, squirting some on his hand, which he then used to wrap round Nick's very hard cock. Nick arched up and gasped, then warned Rafael "Don't. I can't take much more." Rafael immediately removed his hand, and quickly swiped it over his entrance to make it easier. Then he opened his legs and guided Nick until he was in position to enter him. Nick thrust forward, then stopped as he realized his cock was now inside Rafael. He had to take a few deep breaths to stop himself mindlessly thrusting until he came. He could see the look on his lover's face and realized he needed to wait until Rafael was ready for more.

It only took a few seconds for Rafael to get accustomed to the fullness he hadn't felt for a long time. He thrust his hips upwards towards Nick and encouraged him to move. "Come on Nick. Don't stop now." There was no way Nick could resist that, and he started moving, slowly at first then quicker as he realized Rafael could take it. He lowered his head and they kissed passionately again until they needed to part to breathe. Nick realized belatedly that he should be doing something for his partner and reached one hand between them to wrap his hand around Rafael's cock, pulling it in time with their movements. It didn't take long for them to reach their peaks, and Rafael went over first, with the clenching of his ass around Nick's cock finishing him off. Nick collapsed on top of Rafael before pulling out and rolling to the side. Both men looked at each other in wonder after cleaning up. They had known that with the bond, the sex would be good, but that had been even better than they had imagined.

Nick laughed, and Rafael looked at him quizzically. "Slow and gentle our first time would be, so you said. I don't know about you, but that was not my definition of slow and gentle."

Rafael joined in the laughter. "No. That was a bit more frantic and out of control than I was planning. It was good though. We can try out the slow and gentle next time."

Nick looked at him with warmth in his eyes. "That was more than good. But are you okay? I thought we needed to do prep and stuff before we could do that. I hope I didn't hurt you."

"No, I'm fine. I suspected after our incendiary first kiss that things would be more out of control than I wanted, so I stretched myself and added lube before we went out tonight."

"Very sure what would happen tonight weren't you?" Nick asked.

Rafael smirked. "Tell me you weren't and I won't believe you. Anyway, you told me last night what you wanted to do tonight. That was really hot by the way."

"I thought you'd like it. You shocked me by stopping after just a kiss last night."

"Just a kiss? I think it was a bit more memorable than that. I didn't want to stop, but was determined to wait until tonight."

Nick thought for a minute. "I'm glad we waited. I was ready for it tonight, especially after last night. But I wouldn't have been then. So do you have plans for this weekend?"

Rafael laughed. "I was hoping to spend most of the weekend here, in bed, with you. We need to make sure our bond is really strong."

Nick cuddled closer to Rafael. "Good. That's what my plans are too. I'm looking forward to exploring our bond much more thoroughly."

Nick lay down with his head on Rafael's chest, and with their arms around each other. Now he could hear his sentinel's heartbeat, just as he knew Rafael could hear his. Their heartbeats synchronized. They had completed their bond and would be together, forever, just as it was supposed to be.


End file.
